holidays

    
                                            Holidays

       Holidays in the past meant family filling my grandparents house when I was a child with cousins galore to play with, outside regardless of the weather. After all there were 39 of us and add the adults and the house couldn't hold all of us at once. the men ate first and the women reheated the food, washed the dishes then fed the kids. After that was done they reheated the food again, washed the dishes and ate.  I don't know when it changed to the kids eating first but a lot of things had changed since then.  After I married and had my own growing family, it still meant family around the table enjoying the traditional food and conversation, much centering on 'what I want's for Christmas.

     The day after Thanksgiving was when the tree was dragged out of storage, erected and decorated with all kinds of ornaments from fragile antiques balls to children's paper cutouts. All held a special meaning, some only to me that had to  be displayed.  Mysteriously, everyone disappeared at the time, leaving me to do it, reappearing when it was done.  

     I never shopped on Black Friday, which is a very recent invention by retailers. My cousin Nancy and I would shop on the following Monday, returning  with the car loaded with parcels and bags to be hidden until we could get them wrapped and under the tree. One trip I sampled the new men's cologne by putting it on my wrist and it smelled so bad I hung my hand out the window all the way home.  She and I were as close as sisters and we always had fun but could confide in and cry with each other. She is gone now and I miss her.

      Besides the gifts purchased, there were the tradition of new pajamas for the kids for Christmas Eve which has carried through the years although at this point I think it means more to me than to them.  Other years the meal consisted of garden produce that had been frozen or prepared ahead of time, including yeast rolls that didn't come from the grocery. The early years were the best when the children were little and our dreams still untarnished by circumstance. 

       Divorce and death affect these two holidays more than any others, at least for me, as  traditions fall by the wayside making it 'just another day'.  It has been hard in the past to try to enjoy being with others, even though I knew I was welcome, mourning and regretting events of the past. Feeling that somehow it would affect the others. A 'Gloomy Gus'  is no fun to be around.

        This year I chose to be alone to finish my book, spirit driven by the Holy Spirit which gives new meaning to the term 'Ghost writer'!  I wasn't lonely, sad, or depressed as I passed that a long time ago. Acceptance of things as they are is my reality. Randy Travis says it best in "Three Wooden Crosses". "it's not what you take when you leave the world behind you, it's what you leave behind you when you go." 

     My hope is that I will leave something of value behind.....or at least memories to laugh about.