Children are usually trusting souls and it takes a lot to destroy that trust. Once it is, It takes a lot to regain it. My little girl is between 3 and 4 years old and in the best of times is not shy or sulky. ( She had thrown some major tantrums at times). However she hid from me for a very long time, refusing to 'come out and play'. the following is something I wrote during that period to describe the experience
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The child’s room is small,containing only a few pieces of furniture. There was a white iron bed with an eyelet dust ruffle and matching comforter, a white cricket rocker with cushions matching the comforter, a small white night-table with a ruffle shaded lamp on it. The walls are painted white also with an un-curtained window in which the moonlight streams. It promises peace, comfort, and safety, a sanctuary from anything disturbing. She has dark hair and eyes and she wears a white nightgown.. But she is not in the room……..I broke my promise to keep her from hurt, not once but three times. The first was unspoken and she took it for granted. The second time she hid from me and it took a long time to regain the trust that had been lost.…………Now she hides in the shadows and, though I sense her movement and pain at times, she remains hidden. I am most aware of her , or the lack of her, late at night when the day’s distraction no longer hold my interest and I long to sleep, but can’t. I want to cry, but can’t. I want to do it over, but can’t………I could place the blame at other people’s feet but, ultimately, the responsibility is mine. I let her down over, and over, and over………….To the outside world, I live as if she were in her room, being a part of my daily activities. I keep it hidden that a part of me is missing, pretending that I am a whole person, when my emotions are hiding in the shadows with her. If you can’t feel, then you can’t hurt. But if you can’t hurt then joy is absent too. I have the hope that one of these days she will venture out and see that, even with the mistakes I’ve made, that I am sorry for the betrayals.
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That child will come out and play sometimes, usually when I am not looking for her. She did let me rock her last night and tuck her into bed without showing her face. She won't look at me............yet. I am doing my best to be good and protective of her.........If this sounds like a real little girl, then you are getting the point. She is very real and possibly the best part of me............the child lives in all of us and wants what all children want; love, security, a listening ear and even discipline. Just try talking to her/him and see what happens. I would be interested in any thoughts on your child. Maybe we can have a play date!
Another great read. Love you.
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